The Tripods (1984) Episode 3

Episode Three

It turns out Captain Curtis is the captain of this crew and he is thoroughly unpleasant. He takes the money that Oymandias gave the boys but refuses to give them French money in return as was promised. He threatens the pair that if this agreement is unacceptable they will never be heard of again.

 

JL - 'Captain Curtis! Captain Curtis!'

 

IB - Why does Curtis rip that drawing of his face in half and put it under a book on his table?

 

JL - That's well hidden, nobody will find a drawing of myself there and think I'm vain.

 

IB - Will's bouffant is truly a thing of beauty and a wonder to behold, even with all the stress he's under.

 

IB - 'On this boat you do as I say. Understand, understand? You'll get to know me better by then.' Cue credits.

 

JL - Talk about a cliff-hanger: 'your anus is mine, boy!'

 

 

JL - There's a canny little old guy, like a naval equivalent of Yoda, sharing his great wisdom regarding slicing a potato.

 

JL - Ooh, he's bitter that Curtis.

 

IB - I knew Captain Curtis was a bad man. It was back when Ozzy did that unsubtle aside about Curtis having a false cap like his only he didn't want to speculate where he got it. Drumroll...

 

JL - 'But what'll we do about food and things?' Wa wa wa! Will's plaintive high pitched whine is grating on me. It's almost as annoying as that daft elephant trumpet call farting announcement the Tripods make.

 

IB - Curtis is ferrying imprisoned vagrants for some reason.

 

JL - Maybe they'll be used for dirty sexual experimentation. Or exploitation. Perhaps a little of both. I'm envious, I really am.

 


Just when things can't get worse, a group of Black Guards arrive on a small sentry boat. They are the black-garbed human servants of the Tripods, a Gestapo style group of sorts. Their purpose is to impose the will of Tripods on society and maintain law and order. The Guard in charge is looking for two uncapped runaway boys. Fortunately for Will and Henry there are two other uncapped boys on board who are captured instead and taken away.

IB - The Black Guards have better technology - a sort of synthesis between a sailing boat and one of those old speedboats you could win on Bullseye.

 

IB - That guard got close to discovering out intrepid heroes there. Lucky for Will and Henry there were two other uncapped runaways in that queue before them. The Black Guards are a bit silly though, why didn't they check all of the crew were capped while they were on?

 

JL - The Black Guard are clichéd as fuck. They're paper Nazis who are there just to further the talky plot and so they can keep the Tripods off screen more. Even more.

 

Since the ship is now short-handed the angry Captain Curtis has no intention of letting Will and Henry go. Locked into a storeroom the boys manage to escape and slip away from the boat as it is moored under cover of nightfall. However, now they are on the French mainland and unable to speak the native language, they soon run foul of a group of Black Guards and end up imprisoned in a cell whereupon the next day they will be capped.

 

JL - Curtis leaves them in a locked storeroom containing... a crowbar. Clever!

 

IB - That door looked flimsy enough to smash through without it.

 

JL - Why single that out? There are loads of other glaringly stupid things to look forward to.

 

JL - 'You will thank me!' Yeah right, kinky leather clad weirdo.

 

JL - Will looks like a young Paul McCartney. I hate Paul McCartney.